One Thing…

cropped-img_20170403_171728372.jpgI suppose the correct thing to do is introduce myself and tell you all about my family and why in  the world I would start blogging when I know absolutely nothing about it.  In fact, I should have gone to one of those super book stores and bought one of those “Blogging for Dummy’s” Books and read it cover to cover before attempting this online journal where anyone can give me an opinion.  Of course, then I should have had my mother give me a brush up on my grammar skills, because although I know that the B in Book is a proper noun, because it is a certain book, I am still questioning should it be capitalized.  Now, I am certain you are picking up on the amount of anxiety that is going on in my head and you are already wondering how I am out of the psych ward, and I have not even told you my name.  Just wait….it gets better.  I am very capable of stringing together a coherent thought, and writing a sentence that communicates effective points but that has not kept me from being an epic failure in life in every area that counts.  I am not looking for sympathy or searching for encouragement, hear me out.  I have a need to own my mistakes in order to learn from them and most of them I have been able to recover and adapt or learn a lesson that has taught me strength and faith.  I can handle pain, pressure, stress, and the anxiety that comes with illness, tremendous loss, family dysfunction, co-dependency, financial difficulties, and more.  My breaking point, like many of you, occurs when my children are hurting.  I have often said that you may do what you wish to me, but you had better leave my kids and my mother alone.  That worked well when they were small and playing on the playground or had a conflict with a third grade teacher and a misguided homework assignment. Those are easy fixes.  What happens when the stakes are raised and you are dealing with issues that are no longer within your control?  What happens when the choices that they make affect the rest of their life and  you cannot help them? When you cannot do anything but be there to support them and pray for the best possible outcome?  My mistake was in thinking that I ever could.  If only, I had allowed some scrapes and scratches on the playground….IF ONLY…IF ONLY….. I could go on and on all day, and it will not change the fact that my great kids make mistakes. For some reason, maybe because they are great, they seem to be held to a higher standard than everyone else, and that is okay too.  KDG

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